63- Burning Book of Troubles

I thought that I could convince the General that I was not ill, in the interview. But he might think that I was an atheist like many cultured people in the society. I felt also that he was a noble respected man. They told me his weird name which can be translated to the Sudan President. And my mind recalled the visit of the President of Sudan Nomeery to my College when I was in the fourth year.

Next day while I was sitting with others in the garden the soldier sitting with us said,

"Your book is the reason of all your troubles."

"I belief you are right," I said.

"Why don't you burn it right now," the soldier said.

"Good idea," I said. "I will bring it from my room."

I hurried to my room and carried the book and returned to the group. I then shouted for the others walking near us to come. When they crowded around me I said,

"Stand in a circle around this hole in the ground; we are going to burn this book."

I handled the book to the soldier who put it in the little hole and ignited it. We kept watching the fire for a while shouting, God is Bigger, God is Bigger. At once an idea came to my mind to use the method of Jesus when he went every where in Israel saying, "Repent for the kingdom of God is about to come." I borrowed the same method and said to the group, "Shake my hand and say to me, 'Congratulation they will release you soon.' "

More than ten did so with broad smile and I was very happy. Paying the burnt book a last look I asked them to excuse me to go to the General. I knocked the door of his office and I entered. He raised his head,

"What do you want?"

"Sir, if it is necessary for me to say I am ill I will do it," I said.

"Are you going to take us on the level of our minds?" he asked.

"Sorry sir, I don't mean that. But I want to leave the hospital and return to my family. I feel I am going to be crazy. I have burnt the book the reason of all my troubles."

"Okay!" he said. "On Thursday after tomorrow go out from the hospital and return to your unit."

"Thank you sir," I said. I saluted him and went out of his office very happy. I hurried to my companions and thanked them. I said,

"Thank you, we have succeeded. The General released me. I will miss you my friends. I will finish here on Thursday."

"Congratulation!" they said. Later I noticed that the word Congratulation in Arabic is the same word Mubarak or Blessed. 

62-Interview

One day afternoon the nurse came to me,

"The General wants to see you."

"Where?" I asked.

"At his office," she answered and left. I left my bed and looked at my partner,

"Why does the general want to see me?

"Don't worry," he answered. "He usually summons the patients to speak with them to watch their progress under therapy."                                                                                                                      

Going out of my room I saw the General sitting on a chair in front of his office and my doctor, who had received me when I entered the hospital, was standing beside him. I noticed that there was an empty chair before them. I saluted the General and he raised his hand partially to reply the salutation and asked me to sit down. I sat down before him. My doctor bent down to reach the ear of the General to whisper something to him. I heard clearly what he said. "They brought him accompanied with a soldier." The matter appeared to me as if I was fallen in a plot when they made me be delivered to the hospital by a soldier, that the officer should be accompanied by an officer not a soldier.

The General asked me about my name and unit, and then he said,

"Tell me about yourself."

"Sir, I spent long time in searching for the truth of our existence," I said. "Sure I am not ill. I put my entire mind in the book I had delivered to you the other week." When I saw the General not looking at me as if not paying attention to my sayings I stopped. He looked at me.

"Why did you stop?

"Sir, you are not with me," I answered.

"Continue! Don't give care to where I look," he said. "I hear you. Continue." 

"I read in all fields of life. I even read Psychology and Physiology. I came to the conclusion that the human takes his morals from his environment and his behavior comes from the chemicals of his body which he inherits from his ancestors. So I concluded that there is no afterlife or end judgment. A fair God can not punish a man for something he has no choice in it.  My book, which I named by Survival Call, contains a lot of details to prove that point scientifically. This age is the age of science and people should concentrate on science discoveries and live with the truth. They should not waste their time in thinking of something untrue. "

The General said, "Okay! You can go." And I stopped speaking. I stood up and saluted him and walked a few steps, and then I returned. He looked at me. I said,

"Sir, Can I restore my book?"

"Okay, go inside and take it from my office," he answered. I went inside and took the book. I thanked God that the General didn't keep me long. If he let me continue I would come to the point of the inspiration I am Christ, which made me correct my belief. 

61- Son of God

I was still in the period of searching the details of my new experience and I was filled with the hope to be equipped with the power of Jesus as known before. I thought of the meaning of those pictures. In the next weekend I traveled to my home in Alexandria and knew that my wife had met my mother and sister at the market; and she told them about going to the hospital in Cairo. They felt worried and I received their worries as golden pictures. It seemed that their emotion of worries was kept in another dimension waiting for me to receive them. The other two pictures proved to me that my walk to any place was predestined by a Higher Authority. So my walking in the desert as a dangerous place was predestined either I saw the path or not.  

I took the Bible with me to go and sit in the garden. I passed by a man sitting on a rocky chair and greeted him, Peace! He didn't reply and I excused him because I had known that he was a patient of depression. He never spoke to anyone in the group and always kept alone. I moved on and chose a secular place to sit and read. After a while a patient came running toward me from afar, from the direction of the department of dangerous patients. I felt tensed knowing that he was coming to me but I didn't know his intention. I kept calm and soon he reached at my place and sat down on the ground before me without a word. He kept silent for a while and I did the same. I put my hand on my hair and he imitated me by doing the same. I caught my nose and he caught his nose. I shook my leg and he shook his leg. I wondered of that case which I had never seen before.  I managed to keep sitting without motion and he did the same. The weird silence became the master of the situation.  The minutes passed very heavy. Then suddenly he said,

"You are God, isn't it?"

"Yes," I answered believing that I should not object him to keep him calm. One doesn't know the reaction of the dangerous patients.

"You are God and you are sitting on the throne, isn't it so?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered.

"And we are now in the paradise and these are the trees of the paradise," he said.

"Yes it is," I said.

"You can say be and it be?" he asked.

"Yes," I answered and listened carefully to his complaint and I could hardly understand that he loved his cousin girl but her family refused this marriage and now he wanted me as God to do his wish. I comforted him and promised him to fulfill his wish. Soon he returned to his silence.

I stretched my arm to make my hand become very near to his body. Soon I felt that there was a current of tinny particles moving inside my arm through my hand to him. I wondered of that and hoped for him to be healed. After a while a nurse from his department appeared from afar and shouted for him to go to her. He stood up and went running to her. I didn't know if he was healed or not. But I was happy that it passed peacefully.

This experience was stored in my mind and appeared later when I read a book for a Christian who wrote: If Jesus was not God he would be the greatest liar in the world. His expression was very sharp and I was to solve the puzzle. As I knew Islam the solution seemed difficult because Muslims couldn't accept God in the human shape. The history brought to us the story of the Sufi Al Halaj who was crucified because he said: There is nothing inside my body except God. 

60- Alone In Desert

It seemed that the dialogue with the doctor activated him so that the nurse came to me to give me an injection. I objected but she insisted and I got the injection. Soon I slept.  After I awoke my partner Ahmed said, "You have been sleeping for two days."  In the weekend I went out to spend it with the family of my uncle at Al Maadi. My aunt told me that my cousin Z.N. was in his day of duty in his unit. I left her to visit him in his unit. After spending two hours or more I found myself in the middle of a desert at sunset. There was no one to show me the right way to his unit. I walked on the light of the moon with the hope to meet any person to guide me to the correct direction.

For my good luck a soldier with a motorcycle stopped beside me, "Where are you going? This place is very dangerous to walk in it. It is full of savage wolves."

"I came to see my cousin who is a captain on duty today," I said. "But I was lost."

He asked me about the name of my cousin and his unit and I answered him. He said,

"You are lucky that I am going to that unit to deliver messages," he said, "get on beside me."

I got on in the box attached to his motorcycle and he drove on. After about half an hour we reached our destination. It was a surprise to my cousin. He welcomed me at the door of the unit then accompanied me to the room of rest to introduce me to the chief of the unit, who shook my hand with peace and said,

"Sure you are a faithful man. This desert is full of wolves. The soldier of messages doesn't come everyday. Thanks God for your safety."

I thanked God too. But my cousin who didn't know my last change smiled but didn't comment on the saying of his leader. His previous idea about me as an atheist was still in his mind. During the supper the leader spoke of a big serpent that was discovered in their unit and they killed it. We spoke also about the peace treatment which President Sadat made with Israel. After the supper I went with my cousin to his room to sleep.

I stretched on my bed in thick darkness. When I closed my eyes I saw three successive picture drawn in golden lights and were accompanied by the impression that they were for my mother, sister and wife. My mind restored what I heard about the danger I had been applied to in the desert. Then suddenly I saw clear natural pictures, one for two old foreign persons wearing hats on their heads; they seemed as man and wife walking in Unknown Street.  The second was for a bearded man leaning on his stick and seemed like a bigger.

This phenomenon of seeing pictures just before going to sleep happened many times after my transformation. It appeared as if there was a camera moving freely to show me pictures from the world just before going in deep sleeping.  In the morning my cousin awoke me and told me that he was unable to go out of his unit before noon and I could get on a car going out. Soon I put on my clothes and said good bye. He promised to visit me in the hospital and I thanked him left.

While being in the car I saw the tops of the Pyramids of Giza. I asked the driver to let me get off at the nearest point of the Pyramids. When I got off and walked a little I saw the same picture I had seen at night. There were two old foreign persons with hats on their heads walking ahead of me. When I was at the statue of the Sphinx an old man leaning on his stick approached me, "I am living at the near tombs. My name is Mohammed the Poet. When you need me come to the tombs and ask any one there about me and they will lead you to my place."  I thanked him and left wondering why he told that to me.  Why should I need a man living at the tombs? After making a tour around the area I left for the hospital.

Later on, I thought of the meaning of those pictures. In the next weekend I traveled to my home in Alexandria and knew that my wife had met my mother and sister at the market; and she told them about going to the hospital in Cairo. They felt worried and I received their worries as golden pictures. It seemed that their emotion of worries was kept in another dimension waiting for me to receive them. The other two pictures proved to me that my walk to any place was predestined by a Higher Authority. So my walking in the desert as a dangerous place was predestined and I was guarded by the power of God.    

59- Serpent Power

I read much of the Bible and the days passed quickly. But a strange thing happened my feeling toward the Bible changed without reason. In the past, as an atheist, I read part of Genesis and I criticized it as full of mistakes. But now I started to like its way of explaining the creation. I was happy to know that Jesus had read it. I noticed that the name of Melchi Sadek king of Salem who met Abraham is written in Genesis as king of Shalem. But my mind was not ready to understand the truth behind the similarity with the name of my father and grand father.  And I wondered why Abraham should give the tenth of every thing to Melchi Sadek. 

However, the Bible seemed as an ocean full of limitless contents. Later, when I studied the Letter to Hebrew I understood the reason. That was after several years when I compared my situation with the situation of Melchi Sadek. Jesus had known it and that's why he once spoke of the city of Salem (Jerusalem) as the city of the great king. It made me search the libraries for something about the history of Jerusalem just after finishing my days in the hospital of Cairo.

I hated being kept in the hospital and I went to the office of the General. I saluted him and he paid attention to me. I said,

"Sir, I am not ill. I authorized a book and they authorized that I was ill and led me to here. Please allow me to finish my being in here."

"Can you get that book to me?" he asked.

"Yes I can," I answered.

"Okay in the weekend, bring it to me," he said. "If you come with it and don't find me in the office leaf it to me here."

"Yes sir!" I said, and saluted him and left.

In the weekend I went out and left for Alexandria. My wife wondered of my long absence in Cairo and I comforted her and told here not to inform my parents about going to the hospital of Cairo. On Friday, I visited my parents and spent an hour with them. Then I got on the train to Cairo with the book in my bag. I delivered it to the General in his office and left to wait for his decision. I hoped of leaving the hospital as soon as possible. But I was to wait for another week to give the General the time to see the contents of my book.

A doctor under training met me outside my room and started a conversation with me by asking about my name and case. I told him about my book and he told me that he saw it in the office of the General. I asked him whether he opened it and he told me he just saw it. I asked,

"Did you know any thing about the Kundalini phenomenon?"

"What is that?" he asked.

"It is a phenomenon mentioned in Yoga," I said. "This phenomenon is connected with the back bone. They say that the rise of the serpent power in the back bone develops the spiritual power."

"Why do you ask about it?" he asked.

"It happens to me," I said. "But I hoped to know its meaning in the medical sciences."

"How does it happen with you?" he asked.

"I get sensation at the bottom of my body just under the sexual region. After a while this sensation happens at my heart; then it happens at the top of my head at the crown center."

"This might be a sour in the nerve system," he said.

"I don't think so because this phenomenon is described in several books of Yoga. And they always say that it is the Yoga of the Masters."

"What is its benefit to the Masters?" he asked.

"They say when the serpent power reaches the crown center the Yogi becomes in connection with the Universal Spirit."

"What do you mean by the Universal Spirit?" he asked.

"It is the Spirit of God or the Holy Spirit." I answered. He smiled and asked the excuse to leaf.  

58-Pills & Injections

It was hard days. I felt that the pills which were prescribed for me were going to hurt the health of my body. My experience with a previous dentist taught me to be aware of the human errors. My doctor left to enjoy his vacation and apparently forgot me. So I decided to escape swallowing the pills as long as the situation allowed.

A fellow patient entered to our room as a visitor.  I welcomed him and he shook my hand and the hand of my partner in the room in peace. He appeared normal. My partner Ahmed told me to take care of that one that he accustomed to take the towel he sees on your bed and wipe the earth with it. I wondered of that and asked the visitor,

"Why did they bring you to the hospital?"

"I was in a unit in the City Marsa Matrooh," he said, "and one day I went out to walk in its streets and buy cigarettes from a shop. When I was at the shop I saw my own photo hanged in the front. I asked the grocer, 'Why did you put my photo there without my permission?' Then I didn't know what happened after that until I found myself in this hospital."

"What now do you think of your seeing your photo there?" I asked.

"Still I remember I saw my photo there," he replied. Ahmed and me smiled and felt we were before a heavy guest. After a while he turned back and left. We thanked God that he left and I returned to read in the bible.

During the lunch, on a long table that gathers more than twenty, I heard a loud voice outside the hall, from a man crying, ah ah ah. I asked Ahmed about it and he answered,

"The voice we hear comes from the room of electric shocks. Every lunch the man, who cries, refused to join others and insisted to have a table for him alone. He insisted that he was the minister of defense of Egypt Mushier Amer. They told him that Mushier Amer had died. But he refused it."

I shook my head wondering of the case and I thanked God that I didn't say to any doctor that I was Christ. I always told them that I authorized a book and they brought me there for it. When I was asked why, I answered, because it was full of materialism in explaining things in existence. I also didn't tell them about the ghosts or the tiny stars or the voice I heard inside my ears saying, Peace upon you Abdelwahab.  I already knew that they would say that it was sight and audio hallucinations. I avoided hearing that from them. I had known their ways from reading many books and essays of Psychology.

From evening to another, one of the patients with us used to sing with the voice of the famous late singer Abdel Halim Hafez. Really we enjoyed his singing and we used to gather around him outside our rooms to hear him. But I didn't know if he thought he was Abdel Halim Hafez.

One of the patients with us told me he was brought up in Islam but he was subject to feel that he should be a Christian. I asked him,

"Why do you want to be a Christian?"

"I felt it without reason," he replied.

"Aren't you afraid to be condemned to death by the Islamic law?" I asked.

"I didn't know," he said. "I just felt it and told it to my family and friends."

"I wish you think reasonably," I said. "To protect yourself from those who would apply the law on you. We have people hear anxious to kill the people like you."

"I hope to get the necessary treatment here," he said.

In fact I myself didn't consider I had the same case. I didn't consider myself a Christian. But I considered myself the Christ or the Messiah as known in the Arabic language. So, I was not afraid of the law of retarding from Islam. I was of a belief that transcends Christianity and Islam.

                                            To Be Continued!                                                    

57-Hospital of Psychiatry

       At home I thought of how I would spend my time in the hospital of Cairo and I decided to take the Arabic Bible with me to read it all.

       I and the soldier together arrived at the Hospital of Psychiatry at 11 AM. A lieutenant Colonel doctor received us and the soldier handled him a file. He opened and looked into it then closed it, and dismissed the soldier. He asked me,

      "What did you do?"

      "I did nothing," I answered.

      A nurse came and the doctor told her to lead me to my room. Later on, I knew I was put in the department of non dangerous patients.  The room was with two beds, one of them was already occupied with a patient from the army. That one received me with due respect and introduced him self to me. In the upcoming days he became of great aid to acknowledge me with many things in the hospital. So I knew the name of the doctor who had received me and the name of the General of the hospital. He also made me know the names of the patients with us in the department and their specific disorder. 

     Two days passed normally; I took my pills regularly and I read some parts of the bible and accepted the new change. I was still able to see my usual human faces on everything around me. Although they never spoke I felt pleased with them. I convinced myself that they share me their ideas by telepathy. In the third day at about 10 AM, while I was relaxing on my bed, it happened all of a sudden that my fellow jumped in his bed and shouted loudly, "Don't approach me! Keep away from me!" It was something terrifying and surprising. After a while I restored the control and stood watching him. He was imploring to some unseen figures or ghosts to keep far from him. I looked in the direction he looked and I didn't see any thing. The matter appeared as if seeing ghosts is something personal.

      Soon the nurse accompanied with two soldiers came and they managed to give him an injection. He came down and went in sleep.  That incident irritated me then I became used to it. No doctor came to discuss my ideas or converse with me. I started to see that the sweet on my body changed to pale green. I thought that the Kundalini activity worked hard in cleansing my blood from the chemicals of the medicine. However later I noticed that my fingers started to suffer a tremble. So I wanted to complain it to my doctor G.Y. and asked the nurse to lead me to him. But for my surprise she said,

      "Doctor G.Y. in his annual vacation."

      "If so bring me another doctor." I said.

      "Why?" she asked.

      "My fingers started to tremble," I said. "I am sure this happened because of the medicine."

       She brought me a doctor and I asked him to stop the pills. He said,

       "You are the case of Doctor G.Y. and no one can do anything to you."

       "Should I wait till he returns from his Vacation?" I asked.

       "Yes," he answered. "Don't worry; the medicine is good for you."

                    To be continued!